Permission to Thrive?

“Are you giving yourself the permission to thrive?”

It’s a question I’ve been pondering lately.

Sometimes we’re not held back by the fear of failure, rather we’re held back by the fear of success! Crazy, right? Let me explain.

I can’t speak for everyone else but myself, so I’m going to share my experience and you can let me know if it resonates with you. As a kid, I was constantly told by my parents and teachers that I wouldn’t amount to much in life simply because I had little to no interest in school.

Their basis for me living a successful and happy life was me getting good grades to get into a good college in order to get a good job, and because I refused to do homework or go to school for many periods in my life, it meant that I was doomed to fail.

For a long time, I believed all the crap they fed me. I bought into this narrative of me being a lazy failure of a person, so whenever I get close to possibly succeeding at something, I get scared. It feels uncomfortable and unreal to be competent, let alone productive.

I grew up believing in the opinions of authority figures who knew nothing about me because they took little to no time trying to understand me. They just wanted to force me into their little box of what they thought I should be.

It’s why that even to this day I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not lazy, that I’m not a failure. That if I take more opportunities to engage in activities and interests I actually cared about, I can actually excel at them. No matter what I’ve gone through in life, and no matter what level of interest (or lack thereof) I’ve had in school, the one constant has always been writing. I’ve always managed to keep the interest in writing alive and get good grades in English class, even if I had skipped several weeks of school and neglected every other subject.

Fast forward to today, after 10 years of working for other people, I quit my last day job and am now fulfilling my decade long dream of working for myself. It’s a dream I’ve had ever since I had an asshole for a boss at my first job outside of school. Every other boss after has been okay for the most part, but this one particular douchebag was the pinnacle of potential killing authority figures I couldn’t stand, rivaled only by some teachers I’ve had throughout my years in school.

What all these authority figures had in common was the demeaning and forceful way they got me and my classmates and co-workers to get our work done. They would yell at us, call us names, get upset over the tiniest things. And whenever the pressure got too much, I would usually be the only one to yell back at them. I look back now and realize it wasn’t always for the best, but there were times where my pride was hurt far too much to let some scoldings slide.

I grew up so used to this dynamic of fighing back that I find myself becoming an authoritarian figure to myself and end up…fighting with myself.

I know it may sound crazy, but it does feel like I am split into two: the master and the slave. I guilt myself out when I don’t work as much as I could and “should” be working on my business. I bully myself into compliance and only end up working on stuff I’m passionate about with the same resistance and resentment I would with my homework.

It’s so messed up, I know!

The key fix for me is first of all, to notice how messed up this dynamic is. Then second, it’s to remind myself to not even worry about the success aspect, and focus more on the aspect where I get to create value for potential readers and clients by enjoying the creation process.

All these authority figures made any form of work seem like a chore because they focused far too much on how we would be perceived by them and the rest of society, especially by a grading system that I think is outdated. As if letters from A-F or scores of 0-100% were the only basis on which to measure your merit as a human being.

We’re more than test scores.

We’re more than what all the naysayers have made of us.

We are made to not only survive, but thrive.

Are you giving yourself the permission to thrive?

 

 

 

Anna’s Quest Review

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Anna’s Quest is by far my favourite point and click game! It’s about a little girl with telekensis who sets out on an adventure to find a cure for her sick grandpa. Her level of innocence, empathy, and resourcefulness makes Anna a great character to play as.

Much to her detriment, though, she is very naive and trusts everyone too easily. And I guess that has been the best part of her character arc having reached Chapter VI so far. Learning who to trust and not to trust has become a fundamental aspect to the story, and it’s great to see her keep pressing onward despite of the betrayals and disappointments she’s confronted with.

327220_screenshots_2015-08-14_00007The puzzles in this game are very logical, fun, and very rewarding to figure out. Point and click games are known to have some cryptic puzzles that you’d either need a guide for or several hours staring blankly at the screen, frustrated and scratching your head.

You won’t have that problem with Anna’s Quest, as the puzzles are easy enough to respect your lateral thinking, but not so hard that you sigh or groan is resignation from trying.

There were only a couple of times where I needed a guide, but I know that if I spent a little more time to think or exhaust one more possibility, I would’ve figured them out on my own.

My gripe with this game along with anything by Daedalic, though, is the lip sync. Like, is it really that hard to program the lip sync to go with the vast amount of dialogue in this game? What I would also like to see from this company is some close up shots on the characters while they talk, kinda like in Broken Age, and maybe more physical gestures from the characters as they speak.

There’s also the problem of dialogue strings starting off as if the first syllable or so gets cut off and it’s a bit jarring when you’re so invested in the dialogue exchange.

Lastly, what I do love about this game is the amount of maps there are in it to traverse through per chapter. The point and click games I’ve played so far have had the tendancy to recycle maybe the same 5 or so locations for most of the game, and that gets a bit boring.

SPOILER WARNING


327220_screenshots_2015-08-24_00007There’s a point in the game where you get to play as the villain in their childhood, and that really helps flesh out her character more instead of just making her pure evil. You get to understand why her heart was wrought with grief, but ultimately made the wrong choices to lead her on the path of darkness.

After you’ve vanquised her, the end seemed to happen too quickly. As it was Anna’s Quest and no one else’s, I didn’t like how quickly they narrated her ending instead of showing what happens with her grandpa after she saves him. It would have been nice to see him wrestle with the fact that she went against his wishes to go out into the dangerous world JUST to save him.

That would have made for a great dialogue to show ambivalence on his part. After all the story did begin with him forbidding Anna from venturing out into the dangerous world and she went ahead and did it due to her love for him. It’s a missed opportunity and there’s been some debate about the ending here and there on the Steam forums whether it was sufficient or insufficient for an otherwise great tale.


END OF SPOILERS

Loved the story about learning who to trust and seeing the harsh and dangerous world through the eyes of an innocent child. It’s sad to see how easily they can have their innocense exploited as with the case with a few characters betraying Anna throughout her journey.

The ones that betray Anna or take advantage of her, I think, was like a commentary on how destroyed some adults can be when it comes to children needing their help. And the few helpful adults that will empathize with her and genuinely want to help her is indicative of how very few adults there are in the current world that will genuinely care for children’s needs.

All in all, Anna’s Quest is a solid game. I got it full price and don’t regret it, but if you ever see it on sale, do not hesitate to get it! If you get it for even 50% off, it will out live its value.

 

My Little Mecosystem: Introduction

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know by now that there is a huge cultural phenomenon of adults (mainly males) who are giant fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a show that was originally intended to promote a little girl’s toyline.

Oh, but this popular kid’s cartoon promotes more than a 30 year old toyline; it also promotes friendship, virtue, and honesty. There has been other iterations of My Little Pony cartoon series, but this fourth and current generation has had a huge impact in our society, and that is much thanks to the series creator Lauren Faust who has succeeded in setting out to make this series more than just a 20 minute toy commercial.

Aside from the amazing animation, adorable wit, and side busting hilarity, what I love most about this show is the heartfelt and clever writing. The writers have a great grasp on how to make an ensemble cast relate to each other and the world around them, thus ultimately connecting with us the viewers.

One of the biggest factors that draw people in to the show, including myself, is the character development amongst the Mane 6 cast. So this week I will be writing posts specifically about each pony and how I relate to them based on the hardships they’ve faced, along with similar personal insights I’ve had that paralell theirs. But for now, I want to share with you how I first got into the show.



 “But isn’t My Little Pony for little girls? What’s WRONG with you?!”

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Lots of things! I mean…

One night when I was playing Soul Calibur V online, I was in a player lobby with one of my friends, and he was using custom characters that all had unicorn horns attached to their foreheads. A random person who had joined our lobby asked him over the mic chat if he was a Brony.

I asked, “what the hell is a Brony?”

And he went on to explain that a Brony was an adult male who was into the show My Little Pony. Naturally, I laughed my ass off and thought I was being trolled. But despite of my bafflement and surprise at such a statement, I am still an open minded enough person to have let this friend of mine make the case as to why he was into the show.

He first began commenting on how well animated it was, and how it was all done in Flash. I’ve tried my hand at Flash animation when I was younger, and only to a small degree was I impressed with the idea that an entire show could be animated with, what I perceive as, such a hard program to master.

Then he went on to talk about how funny the show was, and by this point I really thought he was messing with me. How could a little kid’s cartoon possibly be funny?

I even asked if the show was graphically violent despite of its colourful look and that’s why people actually like it–but he assured me that it has minimal violence as the focus is really on peaceful conflict resolution.

What finally got my full attention was when he talked about the character development, and ya’ll know me as a sucker for character development!

I was intrigued by his enthusiasm towards the over arching character development amongst the Mane 6 cast and figured I should go give the show a chance.

At first I started reading articles about MLP, some of them in defense of, and some in offense towards the show. I was bombarded with propaganda to say the least.

A lot of stigmatic shaming loaded the slander articles, and for the sake of the cleanliness streak of this blog, I’ll spare you the details on what kind of nasty assumptions are made of the Brony fandom as a whole.

I then looked for compilation clips of the funniest moments, and even the darkest moments in My Little Pony until eventually I realized that the only way I can form a real opinion on the show is by actually watching an episode.

So I put on a random episode where the athlete of the group, Rainbow Dash, injures her wing, and has to stay in the hospital to recover.

Her nerdy bookworm friend Twilight Sparkle suggests for her to read a book called Daring Do to pass the time, and Rainbow Dash’s pride prevents her from actually cracking the book open at first.

Eventually, she gets bored enough to take a gander at the Indiana Jones inspired story–and her scepticism about reading books began to mirror my scepticism about the show.

Little by little, Rainbow Dash became comfortable with the idea of doing what only “egg heads” do and enjoy reading, meanwhile I was slowly becoming comfortable with the idea that I was beginning to enjoy a show that was originally “made for little girls.”

I was impressed by the action set pieces and how well animated they were, the character arc Rainbow Dash went through in the episode, and just the overall surprising enjoyment I got out if it.

I let it sit for a few days, and then I had the urge to start watching the series from the very beginning of it. Before I knew it, I found myself invested in the ongoing journey of these little ponies.

And the rest, you might say, is history…