It’s been quite a while since my last post and I’ve actually grown increasingly anxious about the future of Your Write to Live. I’ve neglected the blog and potential readers since September of last year, but then I realize the pressure is all coming from within. My site isn’t so popular that I have legions of fans demanding my return, nor is it so unpopular that no one cares whether or not I disappear. Or maybe it is, and that’s something that adds to the anxiety lol!
In any case, as I’ve written before about writing being my life blood, it doesn’t matter whether or not I have an audience. I write for myself and then edit for others. Primarily, I write these Meaningful Monday, Tuney Tuesday, and Workshop Wednesday posts for myself as love letters to remind myself of my love toward life, music, and literature. If the byproduct of all this is people read my work and hopefully get some value from it, then I would be pleased and eternally grateful for the readership.
I’m at a point in my life now, though, where I think I need to take this little blogging hobby of mine to the next level. I know I can be doing more with it and synthesizing my writing wisdom (or lack thereof seeing as I haven’t written in a long time, nor studied the art of writing recently either) to better connect it with my intended Writing Coaching practice.
I tend to start projects when I’m passionate about them and then stop when they start to become responsibilities, which in turn then allows my ego to find a way to turn them into obligations. Obligations that I end up resisting because I become my own worst enemy and no longer have the capacity to help anyone out the way I want to.
When my life is going well in terms of finances and socializing, I tend to value writing as sacred solitude time. But for the past couple years I’ve been too focused on writing and studying Korean that I haven’t given much time to anything else, hence I got depressed and had to go through those Trials of Tribulations.
I’m starting to realize just how important it is to balance love, work, and play in your lives because tunnel visioning towards only one of them closes you off from truly appreciating the one thing you spend your time obsessing over.
What the hell am I talking about?
Well three years ago I was the manager at an escape room and it was the most meaningful and fulfilling job I ever had in my life. I got to connect with wonderful customers and provide a fun experience for them, and whenever I clocked out, I continued to buzz with productivity that writing became second nature alone time, along with attempting to create a YouTube following through my good old BSBS Reviews.
Along the way I started coaching other writers on how to organize and express their ideas and this meant the world to me. I had a meaningful and fulfilling job that paid my bills and entertainment purposes, and on the side I was also creating things based on my true passion for writing. But then after some scheduling issues along with some family issues happening around the time, I got overwhelmed by all of it and quit my job prematurely.
This is where 2017 and 2018 come in where I thought I could focus on just creating my own business to make a living. I thought that maybe now that I’m free from a day job, I can put ALL my energy into creating something of my own.
I really wish it could have worked out that way, but what happened was that living off my giant savings only set me up for giant disappointment. Simply put: I can’t create when I’m starving. Fresh out of the job I WAS able to finish the third draft of my novel and then host some writing workshops that allowed me to pay some of my bills, but I never made enough disposable income to enjoy myself with.
That’s when it hit me.
I have a bad habit of jumping the shark too soon. Three times in my life where I thought I could quit my day jobs and pursue writing full time, the story ended up the same. I would develop hatred for the job and think “I’m better than this, I should follow my own path!” And so then I would pursue writing full time whether it was night school, staying home to write what I thought would be my debut novel at the time, then again for another…
It’s a cycle that I was tempted to call endless, but nonetheless I want to end it.
The realization I’ve had was that I need to have a day job to make me feel safe and secure so I can in turn feel free to create without worrying about going broke. Then I also need writing so that I feel like I can express myself and create my own escapism that is far superior to the tremendous enjoyment I get from other entertainment that’s out there.
I need BOTH in my life. It’s just that simple. So from now on I want to honour the mere idea of working for someone else because that doesn’t take away from the fact that I can also work for myself if I choose to create on my own time.
Here’s to hoping I strike the right balance between a day job and a side hustle.
I hope that this year goes a bit better for me. Scratch that. I hope that this year I MAKE things go better for myself. And that means taking on more responsibility by earning money to help pay for my family’s bills at home, while also nurturing my own soul by rebuilding my business at the same time instead of thinking I need to be free from a job in order to do it. No, having a job will help me FUND That business and let me have fun with it the way it did when I was doing BSBS where I would spend my paychecks toward new books and movie tickets just so I can make book to film reviews about those adaptations. Even if it didn’t take off in viewership like I thought it would, to me it still mattered I was creating and immersing myself in this world at all.
So I’m back everyone, and I’m going to make sure I’m in it for the long haul now because I’m sick and tired of playing small and stabbing myself in the back all the time. I really want to thrive this year by contributing my time toward a reputable company that will provide me the decent enough cash to invest into my true passion for writing. My hope is that in one year’s time I will have hosted some writing workshops and amassed a good amount of clients I can coach with their writing.
Because I have this gift that I haven’t brushed up on in a long time and I think it’s pretty shitty to keep it from the wolrd.